“The human body shares in the dignity of ‘the image of God.’”

(Catechism of the Catholic Church #364)

It has been awhile. The end of the year was full of many circumstances, and I needed to stop any extra in my life to focus on the more important things. However, some of it was the need to take some time to refocus. I have seen and experienced much over the last months, and I wanted to reflect on those topics that I believe needed to be shared and written about, rather than “beating a dead horse” in certain aspects. I can always pontificate on the value of good Sacred Liturgy, proper sacred music, basic morals and respect, but I believe our world has surpassed basic or simple anything.

Sadly, in the last months I have experienced, through a friend, a heartbreaking situation, but one that is not uncommon: a divorce that has caused major discourse between the two parties. The following is not going to be an anti-divorce dissertation, nor is it meant to berate another person. I plan to use an example from real life to explain the importance of the issue at hand and how one person’s decisions affect everyone involved. Now, in this situation, there’s massive issues of selfishness, narcissism, and immorality on the part of one of the parties, who is the fully initiated catholic of the two. The other party is trying to get his life back together, considering coming into the Church, etc. He takes his role as a father seriously, but the little time he gets weekly due to his work schedule prevents him from properly rearing his boys – in regards to respect, behavior, and morality – as he did before the separation and divorce. As a safe confidant and someone that has experienced much in life, he naturally came to me, his friend who will listen, understand, and not judge. I empathize much about his problems, but one part that seemed to hit me in the face was on body image. This is a popular topic right now, in tandem with bullying and people feeling comfortable in their own skin, regardless of appearance.

So many people struggle now, regardless of age, with how they look. Secular society presents many obstacles in the minds of those who aren’t self-assured. Society tells us what “perfect” means and many judge those who are not the “ideal” in a very negative way. On the other side, there is a mentality in society that we can “wear whatever we want” and shouldn’t be judged by it. Against what some may think, Mother Church is greatly affected by this issue. It affects the flock and creates chaos and anxiety in the minds of her children, which means their focus is no longer to live as God wants, but rather as society wants. We get so wrapped up in ourselves that we forget this world matters not. We are to strive for eternal life in heaven, not the worldly treasures of earth. As the Gospel of Matthew tells us, “the last will be first, and the first will be last.” (Mt 20:16) Body image is directly related to morality and our choice to dress our bodies with respect, care, consideration, and in conjunction with God’s law.

Alas, we have all been in middle school and high school and we know this is easier said than done. (Isn’t everything worth doing?) We feared being ostracized from our peers, being mocked and bullied for our clothes or weight.  We worried about being “cool”. (I’ve always told students that “cool” doesn’t exist, but it is a construct of young people with self-esteem issues, who want to separate the “classes” of their peers.) Body image is a real stressor. It is known to cause mental health problems that stay with many into their adulthood. Usually, those struggling with their body image tend toward one path or another. On one side, there are those who will completely hide themselves. They do not want to be seen or noticed, hoping to skate through life being undetected. They wear clothing that is plain, covering most of their body. Then there’s the other path – the people who dress flashy and obscenely. They have such terrible self-esteem that they want to attract whatever attention they can by dressing to show off certain endowed body parts, just in the name of feeling good about themselves. Some will even go to great lengths to change their body to be more “beautiful” per societal standards. Oddly enough, many believe that the latter is okay and empowering but there is something wrong with the former. Let me say that I realize not everyone goes down those two paths, but most do, at least at some point. (Think about those people in these situations in your experience in school.)

There are major mental detriments to both paths, but it is the latter that I want to delve into, which brings me back to my aforementioned example. The ex of my friend has always been overweight and was mocked in school. She was told by her mother that she needed to strive for being thin to keep a man, but the entire family struggles with their weight. It’s not in their genetics to be rail-thin, which is completely fine. In that light, it may be easy to feel bad for this person. No one deserves to be treated that way. In God’s eyes, we are all made in His likeness, and no one should be cast to the side regardless of race, religion, wealth, looks, et al. However, this person, because of her low self-esteem, has spent her life, beginning in her teenage years, doing and wearing whatever she wants to get attention, even if it is lustful, impure attention. She had inappropriate, secret relationships before she was a legal adult. She has had surgery to enhance body parts which are now constantly shown off, including in front of children. She would rather leave nothing to the imagination and attract unhealthy attention, than choose to dress her body, a temple of the Holy Spirit, in a way that is both appropriate and attractive. Healthy body image should not bring immoral and detrimental consequences. Healthy body image is not about telling people what they can or cannot do. Healthy body image is understanding that you are beautiful just as you are, as long as you are treating your earthly body as a gift. 

Let’s look at it more simply…Imagine an important, expensive gift – is it wrapped neatly, covered, while still taking the shape of whatever the gift is? Absolutely! You wouldn’t wrap a $5k ring in thin tissue paper and nothing else. You would make sure the surprise is still there, while the wrapping was pretty and suitable for it. If we can understand that those things are appropriate for a tangible item, why can’t we when it comes to our bodies? Healthy body image is mental and physical. It is accepting of flaws. We have to understand that reaching for “perfect” is implausible and impractical. Societally, because society’s idea of what is perfect changes. Spiritually, because we can never be perfect as we were born imperfect, with original sin. We are not immaculate and spotless. Healthy body image requires that we understand that, being created in God’s image, we are made exactly as we need to be to endure what life will throw at us. Sin, vanity, and the like have clouded how we see ourselves. Healthy body image is a realization that we are akin to that expensive gift (actually we’re way more than a tangible item, but it helps with understanding). We should be cherished, respected, and worthy of love. Healthy body image means respecting your body as yours – not for just everyone and anyone. At the end of the world, at final judgment, our bodies and souls will once again be united. We want to take care of our bodies and represent our bodies in a way that is worthy of heaven. “The human body includes right from the beginning… the capacity of expressing love, that love in which the person becomes a gift – and by means of this gift – fulfills the meaning of his being and existence.” (St. John Paul II)

Now, in regards to my first example from my friend’s situation, the issue with what she is doing, other than she isn’t following any of the items in the last paragraph, is that she is perpetuating immorality to and sexualizing her children and everyone who sees her. Her choices are immoral, against God, but her choices are being thrusted upon others. By dressing in a way that does not respect her body, does not show that her body is a gift meant for love rather than physical lust (defined by St. John Paul II as a “adultery committed in the heart”), she is showing, most especially to her children, that her body is “for show” and that her body is an item to be ogled at, used, and then cast to the side. She is emphasizing that she does not believe she is worthy of love and not made in God’s likeness. You get what you give, as the turn of phrase states. We were born with free-will. Although that is a wonderful gift, it is also a curse. A gift that can be used for sin, hate, immorality, etc. We may choose to do whatever we want with our bodies, but we are not free from the consequences thereafter. If we want to be morally good, we must do/be good. We will be judged at the ends of our earthly lives by these acts. “Freedom makes man a moral subject. When he acts deliberately, man is, so to speak, the father of his acts. Human acts, that is, acts that are freely chosen in consequence of a judgment of conscience, can be morally evaluated. They are either good or evil.” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #1749) It is a question of intent. When someone with low self-esteem chooses to dress in a way that makes he or she look unworthy and lustful, the intention is unhealthy attention, often for a fleeting, superficial moment of temporary happiness. No one wants to be sinful, but we choose the outcomes that are directly related to decisions we make. 

We are a gift and we must demand that everyone see us that way. We also need to teach our children that our body is a temple, the gift that it is, and not something to be abused. The same argument goes for drug use, proper diet, etc. To be in harmony with God’s plan, we must live the laws of the Lord. To be a true disciple and to evangelize, we need to present ourselves as one. “For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life, is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world passes away, and the lust of it, but he who does the will of God abides forever.” (1 John 2:16-17) We must be dignified and teach that there is necessary dignity in how we dress our bodies.